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Thursday, April 9, 2009

Where did my baby go??

The past 2 days have the most horrible and challenging days so far as a parent. My 2 year old daughter Taylor has been the pride and joy of my life. I had everything working according to plan. She is smart, funny, and since a young age, has had manners. I would beam with joy when she would say her "please" and "thank you's." I felt like mom of the year. She listened and respected me, and I felt like I had figured it out.
Flash forward to 2 months after her 2nd birthday. What the hell is going on?? Where did my sweet girl go, and who replaced her with satan himself? My limits have been pushed to their very edge and I have cried all the while. It is 8:15 at night and I have not eaten dinner yet because I have been in a 2hour battle with her. It started at dinner when she began throwing her spoon and yelling at me in what sounded like broken chianese. That went from the table to her "time out" spot, to which she would repeatedly would get up and run like it is a big joke. I must have put her back in her spot like a 100 times. When she wouldn't stay, I started spanking her butt with my hand. Back when parenting was easy I would say that I will not spank her, but use other methods. Yeah, easier said than done. Spanking her hurt my hand more than it hurt her, and she would just laugh in my face. I am shocked at how she acted towards me, and really hurt. I just put her to bed without her nightly bedtime story, and as I was leaving the room, she is being all sweet. Yeah, well I feel like shit, like I got run over by a car. I feel partially guilty about her behavior because my husband, due to the economy, has had to start traveling during the week to work. So, he has been gone for the past 5 days, and it really upsets her. I feel like she is acting out towards me about it. He is such a huge part of our daily routine, and with him gone, it really sucks. Whenever she is mad at me she yells out " I love daddy," and will start crying for him. Which literally breaks my heart, because I miss him too. We have 4 months until the next baby is born, and all of this pressure for him to get a steady job that has him coming home every night. He was to get hired on by AT&T. We were guaranteed the job, it was our dream job. Benefits, paid vacay, great money, right close to home. We waited for 6 months for everything to go through. Right after his final interview, AT&T had to lay off 6,000 people because of the slow economy.So, they put a hiring freeze on "external" candidates ofr jobs, and had to fill the postion with someone from the layoff pool. So here we are. He is gone, I am pregnant with a 2 year old who is obviously upset about it. We only agreed to have this 2nd baby because of the job he was supposed to get. But life has a funny way of kicking you in the ass. Now we have the baby coming, and no steady job. What the hell are we supposed to do??? Guess we'll have to figure this one out....

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